Thoughts
by TheJulesTee
Summary: So... My name is Albus Potter. I'm supposed to be doing homework right now, but I thought I'd waste some time instead. Wanna delve into the thoughts of the least sane of the Potter kids? ABANDONED
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**So, I'm working on a new project. Totally unoriginal, but hey, reading guys' diaries is interesting enough for anyone to attempt, why not me? I'll probably update every few days, and I'll try and make other chapters longer than this one, I just suck at intros so I'm getting it over with. Enjoy!**

~NextGen~

You know that feeling?

When something is building up inside of you, frantically searching for a way out?

I get that feeling a lot. Like right now.

My name is Albus Potter. Something is definitely building inside me, and it's pretty scary.

All the time, _all the time_, I have the massive urge to throw whatever I'm holding or is closest to my reach to the opposite wall. Or whatever's in my way. I don't know why. I'm getting scared for my friends' safety though. My cousin Rose unfortunately happened to be in the path of one of my violent rages. Luckily all I was previously holding was a feather quill. But she got curious. Great. All anyone needs is a female Weasley in their hair. She's been asking questions, and I don't want my friends thinking I'm out of my mind or something.

I dunno why I want to break and smash things all of a sudden. Maybe I'm just frustrated. I just started my fourth year at Hogwarts, and there's so much work, too much going on with my friends, Quidditch, there's just so much happening right now, I almost want to crush something, _anything_, beneath my fingers and grind it into _dust._

Yes, I'm very aware that writing all this down on parchment that I'm supposed to be using for my Charms homework isn't the best idea ever, but I honestly do not care anymore. Screw schoolwork. Why do wizards have to go to school anyway? And why do we have to be legalized? Why can't we just live wherever we want, doing whatever magic we want, and live our lives the way we want?

I'm gonna send dad a letter asking if I can drop out of school. It just seems like a waste of time. Hopefully he'll see my point of view.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

~NextGen~

I shoulda known it wouldn't work.

I got my letter back from dad today, and he gave the completely unsurprising answer of no, I can't leave school, because that would be, and I _quote_, "bad for my education, disastrous for my future, and hazardous for my health." Merlin knows where he gets this from. I know what he learned at school ended up saving the entire wizarding world, trust me I've heard it all before, but I seriously doubt anything epic is going to happen in _my_ future, I'm not fighting any psychopathic dark wizards in my seventh year, I'm leaving that for James to deal with.

So I'm in my Transfiguration class today with the Ravenclaws, and we had to turn glass vases into doves right?

Yeah. _Glass vases._

Don't know if you remembered my violent urges a few days ago?

Rose eyes me warily from across the room, and I roll my eyes at her. How she figured possible insanity from me throwing my quill at her is beyond me. Redheads are a little too dramatic for me. Don't see how Potter men always end up with them. Seriously, even James is dating this redhead girl, Tala Nymphis. No joke. She's nice enough, but it won't last. James' girls never really do.

Which brings me back to Transfig. One of the many girls who've previously snogged my brother is in my year, Brenna Oliphant (a Ravenclaw strawberry blonde), and she sat next to me in today's class. Now let me state that I have no issues with her, she's okay I guess, but I don't relatively know her at all, so this development was just weird.

Brenna and I start working on our work for today, and everything's going all fine and dandy, until she gets off the topic of school.

"So how're you doing?" She asked. Okay, I realize now that she might've just been trying to be nice. But I have violent tendencies hidden in the depths of my soul.

I dropped the glass vase.

A couple of girls screamed (I swear on my broom that I heard a more masculine sound mixed in there somewhere too) and the ever-aging Professor McGonagall quickly flicked her wand and cleaned up the remains of glass shards on the floor.

The part with the sound of crunching glass? That felt damn good.

The fact that now everyone thinks I freak out whenever a girl talks to me?

That sucks goblin balls.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the next generation!**

~NextGen~

Well, this is fantastic. I'm just sitting here, in my dorm room, waiting for the magnificent end to my life.

Yes, I realize that I may be acting dramatic, but hey, I'm the offspring of the Boy Who Lived and a Weasley. I'm _entitled_ to be dramatic every once in a while.

James thinks I fancy his ex girlfriend. My cousin Fred won't stop bludgering me of my apparent "fear of women," and my best mate, Corey Maddock, is sitting here trying not to laugh at how easily I find myself in the center of the notorious gossip circles of Hogwarts.

Yes, I see you twitching, you dolt.

And now this idiot wants to take one of my granddad's secret passages out of the castle to get some fresh air. We're the only ones in the common room now, since it's late and all, so might as well. I think I'll bring my parchment too.

Just got past Filch. That guy has to be pushing up daisies soon, right? He scares me to death, and that mangled cat is probably way past her lifespan too. Luckily, Corey and me managed to get away with my dad's invisibility cloak, I'm incredibly glad that James let me borrow it for practicing my flying last week.

So me and Corey are just kind of sitting outside, enjoying the quiet and forgetting all about school.

Well there goes my relaxed state.

Thank you very much mate, I'll be sure to send a howler to your graduation. This idiot here beside me thought that it'd be a good idea to be my wingman so I can get girls.

Unbelievable. I'm leaving now.

Ugh, fine, I'll stay, but only cause you know where my Marauders stuff is.

You wanna know a secret? And no, it's not that I've lost my mind and is now mentally directing my words to parchment, a very obviously non-living thing.

No, it's that I don't fancy my brother's former snog. Quite the opposite really.

I fancy my best mate's cousin. Estelle Murray.

And now I sound like a girl, Merlin, James is right.

I won't live very long.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

~NextGen~

So much has happened in the past few days. I've gotten detention for a month for sneaking off to the Shrieking Shack yesterday after midnight (it's my getaway from school), Estelle went on a date to Hogsmeade with Crevan Dobbs (this guy in our year who's snogged more girls than James and Louis combined) and I've scared Rose out of her mind. I swear, it was one time! The _one time_ I put my own wand to my wrist and whisper those burning words she barges in my dorm, demanding to know why I've got detention. I've managed to get her word that she won't tell anyone, but who knows with her?

I guess that was just an experimental way of getting my frustrations out. Better than unleashing my wand on some unsuspecting kid in DADA. I figure if I've got to hurt someone, it might as well be myself.

Maybe I need help. Professional help. McGonagall's a good headmaster and house head, but I don't feel like telling her how pathetic of a person I actually am. Everyone thinks so highly of my siblings and me, it'd be a shame if everyone found out what I'm really like. I don't even think my best mate knows what I feel. It's like there's this tightening in my chest, this pressure always weighing on me. I walk around school, talking with people, doing work, keeping track of Quidditch scores, and all the while I act like this person I don't even know, yet everyone assumes it's just my personality. I bet no one except Rose would ever even guess that I'm extremely down on life. I have no reason to be. Maybe I'm just being selfish, thinking about myself all the time. I have a great family, friends, and I was pretty much handed everything in my life. Maybe I should think more about the people who have less than me?

Wow, I really am a heartless person. I don't even really care about other people right now.

Okay, I'm not completely frigid personality-wise, I mean I have been in love with Estelle for over a year now. That's such a pansy thing to admit, but it's true. Yet I never did anything. Never even talked to her. Just let her go off with other blokes, thinking she would never go for a guy like me.

I shock myself at how depressed I've gotten, and so quickly too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

~NextGen~

_-Albus_

_It's Corey. You left this parchment on your bed. I would have thought that'd you be more careful with your little diary. Can't have the Slytherins stumble upon this, can we?_

_Al, you're my best mate, and just know that I didn't read any of what you wrote, except a few lines to figure out what this was. Don't flip out, all I saw was the part of us sneaking outside a while ago._

_Don't worry about Estelle mate, (yes I know), she'll get over that idiot soon enough. Do everyone a favor though, stop moping around and acting like a flower. You're bringing everyone else down. If there are enough girls in this school for your brother and cousins, there's plenty for you. That Hufflepuff Mindy fancies you, you know. Why don't you give her a chance to be seen with the almighty middle Pothead?_

_-Corey_

~NextGen~

Corey, you're a downright git. Way to defile my stuff with your scrawly excuse of handwriting. But I guess you have a point, not that I'd ever tell you that. I need to lighten up. I just re-read what I've written lately, and I sound like an emotional girl. I think I'll go ask Mindy to come with me to Hogsmeade next time. But…don't think this means I'm over Estelle. I don't think I'll ever get over her. But that doesn't mean I should shut off my dating life altogether.

Gah! Emotions! Mindy, date, now, GO!

~NextGen~

_- Al_

_You really need to put this in a safer place than under your pillow. Someone other than me's gonna find it eventually. Believe it or not, I'm not the only person who goes snooping around your stuff._

_Hey, I saw you with Mindy today! 'Bout time someone took my advice around here! When do you get off detention? I need to go to the shack, I think I left my exploding snaps in there from last time. And since it's too bothersome to steal your stuff and have you ranting at me for hours on end, just come on with me._

_-Corey_

~NextGen~

It's official, my best mate is the worst best mate ever.

But he was right, Mindy does have a thing for me, 'cause she agreed to go with me to Hogsmeade next time. If I don't have detention that is.

**Oh, by the way COREY! Yes I'm talking to you. I'll go to the shack with you because I have something to tell you! Meet me there tonight at midnight, and this isn't about the exploding snaps!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**Author's Note: Sorry I keep changing the name. I can't seem to decide on one.**

~NextGen~

When I arrived at the Shrieking Shack last night, Corey was already there, waiting for me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he read my 'very carefully hidden' parchment for a third time. Merlin knows if he read anything else in here.

Now, what I had to tell Corey was so top secret, I'm setting it so if I die, this entry will disappear forever.

So I was serving detention one night by patrolling the halls with a prefect who's partner was sick, and suddenly the prefect I was with ran off to someplace, I still don't know what was so important to leave me alone, but I didn't care at the time.

I continued walking around, wishing I had the Marauders map (which I'd stupidly left in my trunk), and I found myself by the entrance to the dungeons. I'd never been in the dungeons before, so naturally I was interested. Only problem was, I had no clues as to what the entrance looked like, let alone where it was. I thought, "Hey, maybe their entrance is a portrait like ours," and looked around for a possible portrait hole.

Most of the people in the painting were sleeping, but when I walked by a painting of a guy dressed in all black, he woke up.

I quickly shined my lit wand away from him, but it was too late. He was already grumbling at me.

"Would you be so kind as to not interrupt my slumber?" The man asked, rather demanded, in a gravelly voice. His words were polite, but his tone certainly wasn't.

I mumbled something of an apology and was going to continue down the hall to try and find the entrance to the Slytherin common room, but the man suddenly stood up straighter and focused more on me. He seemed rather awake now.

"Young man, I do believe that it is passed curfew and you're in thw wrong area of the castle," The man said. I dunno why, but the way he talked to me made shivers wash down my spine. This man frightened me. I looked down at myself and realized I was wearing an old Gryffindor Quidditch shirt for sleepwear, and cursed myself mentally for walking around the dungeons dressed like this.

"Sorry, I was helping a prefect and he ran off on me, so I'm sort of lost." I didn't know what else to say, this stranger's demeanor prevented me from lying to him. I studied the man for a second more and it suddenly dawned on me.

"You're Severus Snape, aren't you?" I knew I had good reason to be frightened. Stories circled the castle about Snape, how he took over as headmaster and served Voldemort during the second war over twenty years ago. My dad threw him out of the castle, but it was common knowledge that he hated my dad, and all of Gryffindor house pretty much.

I need to incorporate some Felix Felicis in my daily meals. Going without it just isn't working.

I gotta go, my roomates are starting to wake up (I haven't got a wink of sleep all night), I'll explain what happened with Snape after classes today. I only hope I can function normally today. I do terrible with lack of sleep.


End file.
